The tremor smashed through my body from my epicentre mind
To the tips of my fingers and toes,
I anticipated. White dots growing in my eyes as
I waited. Bile rising like a tsunami in my throat to my mouth,
Adding to the already destructive taste.
I could have never foreseen it,
I wish I did; I would never have asked you to visit.
But when your absence grew, the unwanted feeling arose and my stomach
Wrenched as if a swarm of bees had been released inside of me.
My heart pounded an intolerably rapid beat
My lungs squeezed tight, friction enough to start a fire
Between my clamped top and bottom teeth.
Knuckles cream white, ferociously gripping the freezing steering wheel,
While my foot was forced flat to the floor.
Eyes flickered, flashing from blue to white lights that entered
Between my damp lashes, blinding me.
My shoulders hunched up rigorously,
Nostrils expelled boiling air, hissing at automatic million miles
An hour; sensory experience heightened but
Still torturously unaware of everything but you.
My flesh, pallor, not a face in the mirror
To be seen. The smell of putrid vomit stifling the air,
Stifling me. I waited, I waited, I waited and pleaded.
Nothing. Like screaming at a tree, trapped within my labyrinth mind
Of what ifs, maybes, bent over backwards, breaking my back
In order to grasp the truth.
But you were okay, it was okay, everything would be okay.
Regaining colour, and speech. My mind stopped, the world stopped,
I stopped for you.
Yet, my face became wet and my eyes pooled with salty tears,
I clutched at your hand never wanting to let go, choking out the words,
“I love you.”
Because if you were okay, I knew I would be too.